A Night Out For The Bad Guys
by The eternally genki Fuyu-chan
Summary: Seifer and Sephiroth meet in a bar after a long day....This could be interesting!!!...OOC,Swearing, 7,8, and 9 crossover


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Fuyu: Hi everyone!!! I'm back with a new fanfic-something I haven't tried before! gasp a Final Fantasy 7,8,9 crossover!!!And, I got it without Leaf, cuz she's busy doing other things...plus, she doesn't care for FF, so this one's MINE!!!well...actually.....N/M ^0^ BWAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!  
  
LilDevil1:*pounding away at the Playstation* -__- must....beat....Sephiroth....  
  
Fuyu: Oh! And for those who don't know- this isLilDevil1- my Muse....who's....HOGGING MY PLAYSTATION!!! *grabs controller* gimmie that!!!  
  
LilDevil1:HEY!!! _ I was beating him too!!!!  
  
Fuyu: No one hurts my Sephy-chan!!! *drools* *Game over flashes on screen*  
  
LilDevil1: 0.o MY GAME!!!And I forgot to use the Save Crystal.......Anyways, on with the fic!!  
  
Fuyu: uhh....yeah *wipes drool from mouth* I don't own any of the charachters, but Sephiroth is tied up in my basement, so HA!! ^^  
  
LilDevil1: No he isn't....have you been into the sake again?  
  
Fuyu: *hides bottle* No.........-_-;  
  
LilDevil1:-____-; oh well, enjoy this, everyone!! R&R ONEGAI??!?!?!?! Fuyu's comment are in //___// These, and thoughts are in *__* these, okay?****CAUTION****Contains Offensive language, OOC, and Yaoi..but not much of it.  
  
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A Night out for the Bad Guys  
  
  
  
It was about 10:35pm when Sephiroth entered Tifa's 7th Heaven, from a hard day's work.  
  
//Fuyu-chan:(By the way, remember when the Sector 7 plate collapsed and destroyed all of sector 7? Publicity Stunt. What REALLY happened was that the screw-ups form AVALANCHE got down, orr the pillar, and blew themselves to smithereens, and part of the slums as well...But they couldn't show you that in the game because...well...it would ruin the story. ) //  
  
Anyways, Sephiroth(who was never REALLY killed, it was just his clone) had just sat down at an empty tableand let out a huge sigh of fatigue.  
  
"Damn" He said, slamming his fist on the table. "My job is tiring."  
  
One of the 7th Heaven waitresses came by and brought him a mug of beer, bending over just enough for Sephiroth to get the best view in the house, she told him "Just bang for another one, cutie"  
  
Then she winked, and left.  
  
//Fuyu-chan:Oh, I guess I should inform you that all the waitresses in the 7th Heaven wear tight white shirts, and black mini-skirts. Yes, I did say EVERYONE.//  
  
So, yeah, sipping on his beer slowly, he began to think about all he'd done in his recent years. That was about how far he'd gotten when the door of the bar slowly opened.  
  
There, standing in the doorway was Seifer. Looking around the room he caught a sight of Sephiroth at a far corner. Intruigued by this opportunity to talk with a legend, he invited himself to sit down and have a drink with him.  
  
A grim smile crossed Sephiroth's face that pierced through Seifer's confidence as he approached. Pulling out a chairhe slumped down and snapped his fingers for a waitress.  
  
All the waitresses loved him, for what reasons, I'm not going to explain.  
  
//Fuyu-chan: Let your imagination wander//  
  
In a second, he had a beer in front of him, and was set to relax after a long day's work as well.  
  
Both men held their mugs, and stared blankly into nothingness until they both let out a sigh."Tough day at work again?" Seifer asked, expecting the same old answer.  
  
Chugging down his whole mug, then wiping the froth from his face with his sleeve, Sephiroth said "Yeah, Damn bitches think they can walk all over you."  
  
"Are you sure you don't like that?" Seifer quipped giving him a naughty smile. "I know I'd do anything for your job." Seifer admitted and chugged down his whole mug as well.  
  
"Being a photographer for Loveless magazine isn't as glamorous as it seems, you know." Sephiroth admonished, half lying.  
  
"Please," Seifer pleaded, opening his arms for a challenging answer, "tell me."  
  
"Well, for begin with, you can't tell a woman how to do anything, because all they do is bitch at you.If they're not in the right position, it's not like you can move 'em as you please, because then they call you a pervert! Sure being around beautiful women all day is great, but then everything else in life seems dull."  
  
"And I'd assume that's why you're here?" Seifer said, snapping his fingers for more beer.  
  
"Actually, I'm scouting for new talent, and if you think getting hard-ons all day is rough, try photographing the men!" Sephiroth said as both men shuddered at that thought and gulped down their second beer.  
  
Over at the counter was Tifa who was chatting with a white haired woman in a sleazy white dress. Tifa smiled as she contiued to talk to this person. Seifer and Sephiroth's attention was focused on this mystery person.  
  
Looking over to Sephiroth, who was staring intently as a drop of drool fell from his mouth to the table, Seifer asked-"Your next covergirl?"  
  
Not getting an answer, he waved his hand in front of Sephiroth's face, then he began to gaze off in the same direction.  
  
A waitress brought them another drink, and lifted their jaws off the table, as well as wiped up the puddle of drool that had formed under Sephiroth's face...the table was starting to drip onto the floor, and that REALLY wasn't good for buisness...  
  
'Damn I wish I knew THAT one." Sephiroth said, still not blinking. Taking this opportunity as a time to show off some of his "charm" Seifer decied to meet this girl.  
  
Just as he was about to get up, Sephiroth reached across the table and put his arm out in Seifer's way."Leave the works to an expert, young'en!" He said with confidence.  
  
Appauled that Sephiroth thought he could do a better job than he could (and that his age really mattered), Seifer took this as a challenge and obliged himslef to get to this girl first. "I think you're a bit too old for her and plus-you have the longest hair in the bar! If I wasn't looking closely, I'd say you were a girl!!"  
  
Sephiroth looked around and judged that he did indeed have the longest hair in the room, standing up,face to face with Seifer, Sephiroth uttered "I'll show you what experience can do...Young'en."  
  
Laughing, Seifer scoffed, "Experience? C'mon! You've been missing for like, a decade, and now you work as a porn photographer and you can't even score!"  
  
Now, totally enraged by Seifer's impertinance, Sephiroth went for the Masamune.."My sword is bigger that yours, and has more experience."  
  
"My gunblade will make you scramble on your knees!" yelled Seifer, grabbing his gunblade.  
  
[American Woman is being played in the background]  
  
While the two were fighting, all their commotion caused this mystery person to to turn around, their silvery-white hair flung across their face and the dress swept over the ground as they turned...At that, there was silence as the two's jaws dropped at that sight...  
  
"KUJA???" They both cried in disbelief.  
  
"The one and only." Kuja said seductively, walking over to their table.  
  
Both "straight" men were dumbfounded and VERY dissapointed. "Damn you Kuja.." Seifer said, frusterated as he sat down again. "We thought you were a woman."  
  
"A sexy one at that! You know you sure must fool people with your hips, and your lack of clothing..." Sephiroth added, seating himself as well.  
  
"Well, I'm all yours for a good price." Kuja grinned.  
  
"Hey Sephiroth, looks like you might score tonight!" Laughed Seifer, watching Sephiroth's face transform as he laughed.  
  
All three men....Correction...two men and Kuja were sitting down at the table, drinking beer, and being depressed about their lives.  
  
"You know," Seifer began " I could have had two sorceress' if it weren't for that bastard Squall and that chicken wuss...not to mention Hickboy, and Miss desperate to be laid...there was another one, too...she had the ugliest hair, and was flatter than a sheet of paper."  
  
"Who's the desperate chick, I want to meet her!" Said Sephiroth, finishing off his third (or is it fourth) beer.  
  
"Oh, Quistis? Yeah, she had it bad for Squall,who inturn, ran offf with my woman."  
  
"I know the feeling.I could have had one of the hottest chicks around, but no..I had to go and kill her. SHe had some freaky power, too.." Sephiroth admitted.  
  
"Well, I wanted Zidane all to myself but that stupid, dirty little princess was all over him....Ohh..that makes me so mad!!" Kuja claimed.  
  
Thinking for a moment, Seifer blurted.."Isn't Zidane your brother or something?"  
  
Spitting out his beer, Sephiroth gasped, "You're in love woth your brother, Kuja??? Aw, man, that's SICK!!"  
  
"He's not exactly my brother, okay? We were just created from the same person..damn you Garland, I loved you.."  
  
Seifer and Sephiroth looked at each other, and then to the table on the other side of the room where Cloud was totally pissed, and had fallen off his chair onto the floor in a heap of laughter. Tifa came up to help him up, but instead, was all over him.  
  
"Damn, that guy gets laid and can't remember it, while we're sitting here,not getting any younger." Seifer bitched, getting another drink from the waitress, who was getting her ass checked out by Sephiroth.  
  
"You know what?" Sephiroth began,"I bet if I pulled out my sword, all these girls would fall all over me."  
  
Sneering at that, for Seifer knew that his gunblade was much nicer, and so were his looks, Seifer said"I bet if I pulled out my gunblade, evry woman in this sector would be on her knees."  
  
(American Woman is still being played in the background)  
  
Kuja was about to get off his seat, until Sephiroth gave him the evil eye.  
  
"So," began Sephiroth, "You're an evil guy like us?"  
  
"Excuse me, I aint evil." Interrupted Seifer.  
  
"Ok, well, you're evil like us and tried to take over the world..." Sephiroth offered  
  
"I told you! I aint evil I was just under a spell!!" Yelled Seifer, thrashing his arms around like a chicken.Both Kuja and Sephiroth looked at each other in agreement, with a sarcastic gleam in their eyes.  
  
"Sure, Seifer..trying to kill people, and blow up schools isn't evil at all.." Sephiroth implied, crossing his arms.  
  
Seifer sat down in his chair again and pouted until Kuja stopped snickering.  
  
"So, where were we?" asked Sephiroth, sitting down again. "Oh,yes, as Evil guys.." Continued Sephiroth, putting emphasis on the "Evil" part.."We all have cool moves, right, Seifer?"  
  
Seifer was sitting there waiting for the right time to smash Sephiroth's face.  
  
"Yeah, but as a non-evil person, I had a cool move." Seifer said, putting emphasis on the "non-evil" part.  
  
"So Kuja, we know you aren't a guy, but didn't you have a really cool weapon, too?" Asked Sephiroth while Seifer was nodding. Kuja got up out of his seat, his dress falling gently on the floor."Actually, gents, I did have a few moves you might enjoy"  
  
"Whoa Kuja!!!" The men yelled, dreading what Kuja would try to do next..  
  
"No, silly," Kuja twirled his wrist"I'll show you how I got Zidane and his pretty princess down."  
  
At that, Kuja began to to some funky thing almost like a dance and light was everywhere.  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!"  
  
All heads turned at the bloodcurdling girlish scream coming from Kuja. Between gasps, through their laughter, Seifer and Sephiroth asked  
  
"What the hell happened, Kuja?"  
  
"Oh my gosh!! It can't be!!!" He screeched, "I just broke a nail!!!!!"  
  
Now, Seifer and Sephiroth were on the floor holding their stomachs laughing so hard that they couldn't breathe.  
  
"You boys, this is so TRAGIC!!!" Kuja pleaded.  
  
The two were laughing for a good 10 minutes before they regained sanity and digniti and sat up. Or at least Seifer did..Sephiroth was on the floor, but he couldn't get up.  
  
"Hey-the show's starting!" Seifer informed Sephiroth.  
  
"Help me up, you ass! I can't miss this one!We have front row seats!" Sephiroth shouted.  
  
Seifer helped him upand then they watched the strip show together...Well, at least they watched half of it...they passed out after Kuja junked on stage.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FIN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fuyu-chan: Well there you have it...I can't believe I typed the whole thing!  
  
LilDevil1: I just can't believe it took you 2 weeks to type that one up...- ___-;  
  
Fuyu-chan: You try only typing something up when you skip classes!!! __ Mou....Muses...geez...Review...ONEGAI!!!??? 


End file.
